


the truth comes in parts

by everyfragment



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 06:50:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20403472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everyfragment/pseuds/everyfragment
Summary: When Jun falls in love with Aiba, it's messy and it's euphoric and it's head-first and bottom's-up and it's unpleasant and he's never felt more miserable in his life.





	the truth comes in parts

**Author's Note:**

> [Title is from Kaveh Akbar's Five Love Poems: https://muse.jhu.edu/article/660167/pdf]

When Jun falls in love with Aiba, it's messy and it's euphoric and it's head-first and bottom's-up and it's unpleasant and he's never felt more miserable in his life. He doesn't realise what it is--not at first, or at second, or even at third. Aiba still smiles in the same way he always has, like someone's switched a light on and it's shining out through his eyes and his stupid teeth. Aiba still says the dumbest things, and he still slips and slides and smashes his face, his hips, his legs, his arms against anything and everything. Jun doesn't realise through years of concerts and years of other relationships--some happy and some unpleasant. He doesn't realise through the years of late night conversations at their favourite restaurants, or days off that they spend together more and more often, watching terrible TV and drinking, or through those weeks they spend apart when someone has filming commitments (and sometimes, when one of them has running-away-from-animals commitments) and they still manage to find some time to talk to one another, if not once a day then at least once every two or three days. 

Jun doesn't notice that he's head-over-heels in jaw-dropping, stomach-churning, gut-clenching love with Aiba until the day that Ohno casually points it out when they're driving to an off-site location shoot. 

"Jun, do you want to switch with me?" 

"What?"

Everyone looks at Ohno, more than a little perplexed--both at the fact that he's suggesting a change in a tried and tested seating plan, and at the fact that he's speaking before he necessarily has to. 

"If you want, you can switch with me. I know you didn't get a lot of sleep last night, and I thought you may feel a bit more comfortable sleeping on Masaki."

Jun waves him off, still bemused, and Aiba asks Sho in a loud whisper if he's gained weight, and really, why else would he be more comfortable to lie on than a _cushion_, Sho? Ohno shrugs placidly and promptly starts snoring once the bus starts moving. 

Jun doesn't sleep at all. 

*

They film at a ski-resort (one of their music directors thinks there's a poignancy about ski-resorts in the summer, but none of them can see it) and this is a slow number so there's a lot less likelihood of anyone having to redo the choreography more than a couple of times. He has plenty of time to watch Aiba move, much more fluidly than he used to when they were younger, and with so much more power in his legs and in his shoulders. The sun catches on Aiba's eyes, and for a minute, all Jun can see is the laughter lines around them.

When they break for lunch, they're nearly done and Nino is the first to sidle over to Jun. 

"Do you know what Leader meant earlier?"

"No," Jun doesn't need to point out the fact that this conversation is making him uncomfortable. There's no other reason Nino wants to have it. Jun can see his smirk out of the corner of his eye. 

"I do."

"Good for you."

Jun gets up and strides away, knowing that Nino knows his legs are too short to keep up with Jun's. 

He's beginning to have an inkling--just a tiny, insignificant one--of what Ohno was talking about, but he doesn't like that Nino knows. The air is crisp around them: you can't feel the stench of summer up here. Jun takes in a deep breath and goes to refill his bottle. He hopes Aiba has eaten already and hasn't spent this entire time gossiping with the technical staff.

* 

Sho is standing next to him when they start filming again--they're meant to be walking together for a shot or something like that. Jun isn't sure. He's a bit distracted.

Sho shields his eyes from the sun and looks uncomfortable. 

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I still don't know what any of you are talking about."

Sho looks less uncomfortable, and Jun bites back the urge to snap at him for still feeling the need to take care of fully grown men. 

When Jun turns to Sho to change the topic, Aiba bounds over to them, still full of energy and probably much happier than he was this morning, now that he's had his share of gossip for the week. 

"Guys, guys, guys!" and just for good measure, "Guys!"

Sho looks more relaxed when Aiba is around, Jun realises. He wonders if his own forehead has lost that pucker now that Aiba has launched into his story about the statistics of people falling off ski-slopes in the summer. He decides he doesn't care.

*

It's not till they're on the bus back that Ohno sits down next to him, and offers Jun his shoulder to sleep on. 

"You don't look very awake, Jun."

Jun isn't going to turn down the offer, even if he's blaming Ohno for the quiet realisation that's beginning to throb behind his eyes. He snuggles up to him, and the next time he opens his eyes, they've pulled in to his driveway.

When he says goodnight to the staff, Jun notices that Aiba is packing his stuff up too. 

He waits at the door for Aiba to climb down the steps and begins to walk to his building.

Aiba doesn't say anything till they're both inside his flat, shoes off, and beer in hand. 

"Is everything okay, Jun?"

Jun doesn't really know how he's meant to answer this one. Aiba is tired, and his voice has reached a croak from too much use. Maybe they are getting old after all, Jun thinks, and tries not to think about Aiba's feet, snug under his thighs. 

"Everything is fine," he says, and then, "Maybe you should go home. We're both quite tired."

Aiba sighs at this, and moves his feet to the ground. His stuff is by the door, Jun thinks to himself, he can pick it up and be out of the flat in the next thirty seconds. 

Aiba stops moving.

Jun turns to look at him and sees Aiba's back, stiff as a board. His hand is tracing the lines of condensation on the glass in his hand. Jun's mouth is drier than it was when they got off the bus.

"I thought about this a lot when I was filming Bartender. I thought it would be better to do it quickly, and then just get on with our lives. Then I didn't say anything, and you didn't say anything, and it became easier to not say anything. I'm sorry about that."

Jun tries to say something--maybe that it's nothing, or that it doesn't matter, or that he doesn't know what Aiba's talking about, but at least one of those is definitely a lie. 

"I don't think I can say it," Aiba finally says, quieter and hoarser than Jun has ever heard him. "I don't think I can say it even now."

He's going to get up now, Jun thinks, frozen in place. He's going to get up now and he's going to pick up his bag and put on his shoes and walk to the door. He's going to open it, and say he's sorry again, and then he's going to be gone. 

And then Aiba is suddenly shifting, and he's getting up, and Jun can't close his eyes, he needs to see this happen and his throat hurts with the words that he can't get out. 

Aiba gets down on his knees in front of Jun, and he tugs at Jun's collar till Jun's forehead is touching Aiba's, and all Jun can do is let out a croak like a dying frog and then Aiba's kissing him, and kissing him, and Jun lets himself drown in it. 

When they break away, Aiba absently kisses the side of his mouth and Jun pulls him up by shirt so he's settled in Jun's lap.

Aiba is gently biting on his ear when he says "Oh, shit."

Jun pulls back in alarm. "What?"

"Nino bet me that I would have to be the one to make a move. I owe him 1000 yen."

Jun closes his eyes and counts down from ten. He's up to 6 when Aiba nips at his collarbone, though, so he thinks he can find it in himself to let this one go.


End file.
